Not a Huggy Family

January 11, 2012 · 12 comments

in Family, Feeling Sorry for Myself, Kids

Sometimes I see families at church that are very cuddly with each other. They’re all sitting on the pew with their arms around each other. This is not us. This is not how we are. I view them like I do people who have clean laundry rooms: with admiration, bafflement and a smidge of suspicion.

Even as very little children, none of mine loved to kiss or hug their siblings.  I am pretty affectionate with my very young children but not so snuggly once they hit about age 5. Mister, God love him, is always kissing or hugging somebody around our house. He’s very touchy.

OK, now that I think about it Arabella really, really likes to touch people. Especially me. Which drives me batty. I’m pretty sure that girl would be surgically attached to me if she could. Or climb back into my womb. I’m thanking my lucky stars that’s not possible. But I make myself cuddle her because I’m a good mom and I know that’s her Love Language blah, blah, blah. But she is surrounded on all sides by siblings who would rather not be touched.  Not in an autistic way, just in a “stop annoying me” way.

Also, none of my children have ever liked baby dolls. Is this a symptom of the same thing? That my kids have no desire to comfort and  help those who need it? Oh my gosh, what if I’m raising a houseful of psychopaths???

My boys don’t even wrestle with each other! Isn’t that something they’re supposed to do? Doesn’t wrestling mean something? Or that just considered fighting and it’s bad?

My children will, however, all shoot each other with various nerf, airsoft and dart guns.

Which is almost the same as putting your arm around your sister in church.

Phew, I was worried for a minute there.


{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }

Stephanie January 11, 2012 at 3:37 pm

I’m not a very cuddly person either, but I do like to be near/next to my kiddos. Alice is super cuddly and it drives me crazy as well. Maybe it’s the age? Emma isn’t a cuddler, but does like to be right by me if she can. Spence and Cate, not so much.

I can’t believe your boys don’t wrestle. That really does amaze me. Spencer is always desperate to wrestle and usually has to get his fix with the neighbor boys or Wes.


Jill C. January 11, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Does that mean that if you come to town and you call me (like you said you would) and me we meet for lunch that I shouldn’t run up and give you a big awkward hug???


Amy January 11, 2012 at 6:32 pm

Oh get down on your knees and say thank you for boys that don’t wrestle.


Cheri January 11, 2012 at 7:24 pm

Your boys do not wrestle?!?!! How can this be? How can this BE?!?!

And the part about about climbing back in the womb….hahaha!


suburbancorrespondent January 11, 2012 at 9:53 pm

THANK YOU for writing this! THANK YOU! I’ve often wondered the same. I love to cuddle my kids until a certain age and then I’m totally like, “Why?” It just doesn’t feel right, and I can tell they don’t really want me to do that. Maybe I’m just picking up on their signals (I tell myself on a good day); or maybe I am a monster who never should have been allowed to have kids (on a bad day). I really appreciate hearing that other normal families are like this.


Lorie January 11, 2012 at 11:33 pm

Slugs not hugs! Slugs as a punch in the arm, not a gastropod mollusc that lacks a shell.


Tiffany January 12, 2012 at 7:08 am

You may not hug, but you do LAUGH. Your family is very good about finding things to laugh at together, and that is something a lot of people, cuddly or not, don’t have.

Savor your differences. Especially the good ones.


kathi January 12, 2012 at 11:19 am

My holy heck! I am exactly like this. Were your parents are warm and fuzzy and huggy? My Dad (a disgruntled ex marine postal carrier) never hugged and never said I love you. He said, “I’m not ashamed of you anymore Kathi, ha ha” His way I guess. I didn’t take it personally. But I soooooo do not hug and snuggy up to my older daughter. I think it started about 7. Which I fear is pretty young not to be more huggy lovey. I think I blew it, cause my daughter mentions it. So now I am trying. But it feels weird.
My little boy is 3 and I have no problem hugging and snugglying him. I guess I am a toddler preschooler snob. Once their school age, it just doesn’t feel right. Dunno, but I think I was trained by my Dad. Anyhow, thanks for letting me know there are more Mom’s out there that think about such things. I worry I’m the worst mom in the world. The thought actually crosses my mind weekly. OY.


L. January 12, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Jennie was OFFERED snuggles by her mother, but she always had places to go and important things to do, even at age 2. In her whole life, ONE TIME she fell asleep in my arms, and I held her until my arms lost feeling with exhaustion. That was the only time I got my fill of huggies with her. Her sister, however, was constantly stroking and hanging on me until I wanted to tie her to the furniture and run away.

And I really think the reason her sons don’t wrestle is because all her floors are hardwood or tile. Who wants to wrestle and end up bonked to purple pieces? I wrestled with my son (and even with my daughters!) until he could beat me one-handed. LOVED IT! (until I constantly got pinned within the first 5 seconds!)


Tanya H January 12, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Well some days I would trade you! We had to train our then-5yr old son to stop hugging his friends…tho in his defense most of the people he’d interacted with prior to school were family…. And our daughter STILL hugs her friends goodbye to part ways long enough for Primary class. And we live on the same block!!


Jennifer B. January 13, 2012 at 9:15 am

I commented on my family’s lack to huggy-ness to a friend once. She made my day as she observed a couple of huggy siblings from another family, leaned over to me and said, “It’s abnormal.”


Charlie Holmberg January 16, 2012 at 11:15 am

Don’t know if you’re into blogging awards, but I’m giving you one. ;)


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