Cleaning

At our house we don’t give our kids an allowance. Many years ago we started to but it just got too expensive. Plus it would kill me when they’d spend our hard-earned money on a giant bucket of Red Vines. I’m not one of those moms who tells their kids how to spend their money; that’s a lesson best left to experience. But it sure did pain me to see them squander it on Pokemon cards.

Now our system has evolved into doing chores because they live in the house. We buy them food and clothes and orthodontia and they have to empty the dishwasher or take out the garbage on regular basis; tis the price of living with such an awesome mom.

If they need money they can earn it doing extra chores like scrubbing out the microwave, mowing the lawn or doing other crappy chores that I hate:  doozies like organizing the pantry or sorting toys in the playroom or straightforward stuff like polishing the good silverware.

The best thing is when the kids really, really, really want something. Arabella is dying for a new iPod and Finn is saving up for a fancy watch. The watch costs $200 and that kid has been working his guts out for months to earn the money. (Yeah, a watch. He is passionate about watches and will spend hours looking at them online. It is the weirdest hobby but whatever. Better that than something pointless like baseball cards.)

Today’s chore: organize all the CDs in the house (alphabetically and by genre). We don’t listen to them very often but it’s nice to have them all put away where we can find them. Surprisingly Finn has turned into kind of a neatnik over the last year and I think he digs the process of organization. I certainly dig his wanting to organize our stuff.

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Last year York organized one of our closets that’s dedicated to food storage. Lots of stuff had to be stacked high but never fear–York made a map of where to find everything.
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When my kids were tiny I really dreaded having teenagers; probably because I was thinking of horrible I was at that age. But it turns out teenagers are pretty cool–especially when they do great stuff like weeding the entire backyard

I remember my grandmother in North Carolina complaining about weevils all the time. Despite her lamenting that there were weevils everywhere I never saw one. Not, of course, until I moved to Texas.* I don’t know if they love warmth or humidity or what but this past year we have been taken over by weevils.  They are tiny little squiggly bugs that are especially fond of grains. So basically they eat everything in your house but pure sugar. They even climb into air fresheners and my wheat grinder!

I have gotten out the airtight bin that I keep oats in only to find it crawling with weevils. Same for the hot cocoa, spaghetti and dried lentils. It has been starting to chip away at my sanity.

Last month I went to make a lemon truffle pie. It’s my very favorite pie and requires the crust to be blind-baked first. My little trick for pre-baking an empty crust is to use an oven-safe bag filled with rice. After 15 minutes of baking I remove the bag of rice and continue to bake the crust til it’s golden brown. It works super well and I always reuse the same bag of rice since it’s never eaten. I’m sure you can guess what the bag looked like when I pulled it out of the cupboard.

weevils rice

Weevils all throughout! After throwing up in my mouth I checked to make sure there were no weevils on the outside of the bag. There weren’t, so being the pragmatic person that I am I decided to use the bag of rice anyway. A nice trip through a 375° oven should murder them all.**

Wrong. So, so wrong.

After being in the oven for 15 minutes they were still crawling all over the place!  WHAT???? How is that even possible? These stupid things are worse than cockroaches.

We tried bug-bombing the house.

Failure.

We tried spraying some sort of bug killer all around the baseboards.

Failure.

So I got out the no-pest strip. It says it is only for using in non-habited places: attics and empty rooms and such. Faced with the choice between a pantry crawling with bugs and harmful poison I did what any self-respecting American would do. I went for the poison.

I left the no-pest strip in the pantry for 24 hours. Voilà! Dead weevils everywhere! We’ll probably all develop cancer now or perhaps grow a third arm. But I can at least use that third arm to kill more weevils.

 

*For almost three years we had no weevils. But they started showing up after I bought some dried beans at Walmart. Seeing as how both weevils and Walmart are of the devil, that only makes sense.

**Putting stuff in the freezer also kills weevils. But I can’t exactly fit every item in my kitchen into the freezer so that option is a little impractical.

I pretty much vanished for the last couple of weeks. Partly due to relatives in town (we know who loves us by how often they visit. Hint, hint, relatives.) Partly due to being the Relief Society President when half the ward decides to move at the exact moment the other half goes on vacation. I know you guys really love it when I complain about how busy I am and thus how exhausted I am. But I will spare you the details. Here are the highlights of the last two weeks:

My mom moved back to Utah after living here in Austin for two years. People always ask what it’s like having my mother live close by since she is rather . . . high maintenance. It  is a million times easier than having her come and stay with me for two or three weeks. When she stays with me for a long amount of time there are invariably fights; she and I, she and Mister and sadly Mister and I as well. There is stress involved for all parties (well, probably my mom isn’t stressed). She likes to have things just so and just so is always something very strange. Like half-drunk giant glasses of cocoa sitting around all day. Said cocoa must be drunk through a straw. And not just any straw. It must be a really fat straw that is also somewhat translucent so that she can see the cocoa going up. Not sure why, but that’s how it is. No doubt my mother will answer this question in her blog reply.

There is also her bizarre schedule of staying up late, sleeping in and various naps. Our family doesn’t really work that way and it gets complicated when she visits. But when she lives in her own place nearby she can sleep whenever she wants, leave strange beverages sitting on her counters and it makes no difference to us. She is one of those people who finds plenty to entertain herself and doesn’t come over all the time. She’ll drop by for dinner, have a nice time and go home. It’s lovely for all of us. So it makes me sad that we won’t be getting pleasant mini-doses of her any more. Instead she wanted to be near my sister in Utah who, with three small children, is in the part of her life when she really needs grandma Boppie around.

We spend last week packing boxes, throwing away as much of her junk prized possessions as we could get away with and loading up her moving van. She and my sister waved goodbye on Saturday morning and pulled in to Utah County last night.

Also, I spent days cleaning and organizing my house. If you have out-of-town guests and clean your entire house, except for one small part, that is the part that they will invariably see. So I cleaned everything including my huge messy closet. Here’s the flip side of that rule, though: if you clean something super well, nobody will see it.  I cleaned my closet and bathroom within an inch of their lives. And nobody ever went in there. But at least they’re still clean. I’ve been trying to stay on top of it and keep the rooms from turning into the trash barge of my house. They’re my favorite place to throw things when I have to do a stash and dash because company is coming.

My husband’s brother, his wife and their teenage daughter came from Portland for an entire week and we ate like pigs and did fun touristy stuff and it was great. They had to sleep in the boy’s bunk beds but it’s a lot nicer than making them stay in the guest room and share one lousy full-sized bed.

Probably the most exciting news around here is that it has rained! A lot! And often!  But because this is Texas it rains like crazy for a little while, the rain goes away and it’s sunny and warm. And then the next day it’s sunny and warm for a couple of hours, a storm rolls in and then it’s sunny and warm again. It’s really a lovely way to have rainy weather. None of those days of dreary, cold weather like in Oregon. Our relatives were very impressed.

A few days ago I went to a book signing by Alexandra Fuller whose books I recommended here a while back. In the tiny picture on her books she looks very pretty. But most female authors look relatively pretty. That’s kind of the point, I guess. Alexandra Fuller was, in real life, drop dead gorgeous. Model gorgeous. She’s also terribly clever and skinny so I felt utterly out of my league and didn’t say a single word to her as she signed my book.  I very rarely get tongue-tied, although I did ask if I could take a picture with her (I especially like the way my arms are twice the size of hers.)

 

AFuller and me

Also, my laptop is still broken. Mister has taken pity on me and given me a real computer with an actual monitor. It’s pretty lame. Laptops are way better. I hate being on a computer where I am trapped in one place. Due to my computer situation and all the other stuff I’ve done, I have read zero blogs. I feel really bad about this. So if I haven’t commented on your blog, I’m sorry. One day I will get my life back.

I just swept under my sofa. This is what I found:

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I have to see the silver lining here: a complete pair of shoes?!? I can’t recall two of the same shoes ever ending up under the sofa at the exact same time. These happen to be water shoes that haven’t been used since, um, well, it’s been a while. And they don’t currently fit anybody. But still . . . .

I can’t tell you how much I am digging this “all my kids in school” thing. You should know by now that housework is not my favorite thing to do. I’m not one of those lame people who says that and then spends all her time cleaning anyway. No, I really, truly hate cleaning my house. I avoid it as much as possible. I have to tell you, though. Cleaning your house when the kids are all gone is great. Like, super amazingly great.

I turn my ipod up to 11 and get to work with a garbage bag and scrub brush (with a little dancing thrown in for good measure).

Yesterday I gave the kitchen a big fat spanking while I listened to The Ting Tings (highly recommended music for cleaning and generally getting your groove on).

The house actually stayed clean for a whole two hours until the hordes returned. But two hours is good. Normally as I clean there is a wake of people pulling things out and tossing toys everywhere. So you can see how even a few hours of cleanliness is a miracle.

Do you have a tile floor?  If so, stop (STOP!) what you are doing (reading blogs, obviously) and go get your credit card.  You need to buy this broom:

I know what you’re thinking: “Uh-huh. Sure, Jennie. That looks totally lame.”   But trust me.  This will become your new best friend*. Plus it’s only $10.

Do you have obnoxious grout?  Does it mock you with its bionic crumb-hording powers? Can you simply not get all the dust and junk out of the nooks and crannies?  This broom is the answer! (it works on any floor: hardwood, even carpet.  It’s brilliant at removing pet hair.  But tile is my bête noire, and I’m guessing if you have it you hate it too.)

You can sweep with this thing, mop with it, whatever.  It’s made of rubber (I know. Weird.) but I like to say it’s made of pure awesomeness.

Get it at the Flylady shop for $10 (I think shipping is another $6 or so.  Just pay for the shipping.  Don’t be a cheapskate and try to find something similar that costs less somewhere else.  Because that’s a waste of your time.)

P.S. Extra brownie points if you know where I got the title for this post.

*O.K. It probably won’t be your best friend, but you might try to sneak a kiss once or twice.

I mentioned earlier how I like to be showered and ready before my kids wake up.  This is not because I am disciplined (so laughable!) or have my life together.  It’s because showering while Ada and Jasper are up and about leads to nothing but trouble.  As I found out yesterday.  This is what I saw as I walked into the family room after getting ready yesterday morning.  Evidently the game cupboard had been ransacked:

If that wasn’t awful enough, the babies (they’re not really babies.  They are two and three.  But the children are divided into two parts: the big kids and the babies.  It will remain thusly for the rest of their lives) also came across my basket of mismatched socks.  Of course it has about 200 socks, all without a significant other.  What fun are socks in a basket?  They are somehow more entertaining strewn across the floor.

The girls’ room is a mess.  Do you think I cleaned it up today? If you do, you must have never read my blog before.

Of course I didn’t clean it up! I installed my new bathroom light fixture instead ($27.67 on ebay, thank you very much). Remember the old one from last week? 

Here it is BEFORE (heinous):

DURING (somewhat scary looking):

And AFTER:

Lest you think I’m completely incompetent, here’s a picture of the actual light turned on:

 
Don’t you like the way it echoes the form of the new faucet? And don’t you especially like the price I paid?  This is what happens when you have both electrical AND shopping skills.

(Thanks to my brother Ben for teaching me how to change a light fixture!)

Some days I just seem to get nothing accomplished, no matter how busy I seem. On days like that I have to celebrate the little tasks. Otherwise, it’s just too sad. Yesterday’s big accomplishment was the removal of a Nerf dart from a really high up ledge in my house. It’s been there since Finn’s birthday (March!), when he got the Nerf gun.

Like most houses built in the last twenty years I have a two-story entry hall. Boy, do I hate these! Yes they look nice and spacious, but they are a pain to keep clean (how am I supposed to dust those knick-knacks that are 14 feet from the floor?) I am just dreading having to change the lights in the chandelier. I don’t have a ladder that tall. What am I supposed to do? Anyway–notice, if you will, the pointless little ledge toward the top of the picture. Do you see a small black thing sitting on it? That would be the Nerf dart that has been mocking me for many months.

I have been trying to come up with a plan to get that damn dart, but most involve jumping for it, followed by a hard tile-floor landing.  Not worth it.

I finally thought of a solution. I got a really long extending paintbrush pole and screwed the Webster onto it. (The Webster is the cobweb removal device that I have to use on a regular basis lest Mister find out that there are actually spiders living in our house. Don’t laugh, he has major spider issues. OK, you can laugh. Especially if you see him find a spider. He completely flips out. I don’t want to say it’s hilarious, but . . . it is.)


I got the Nerf dart (as well as five pounds of dust). 

Victory is mine!!!