Health

Me and My Colon

May 22, 2013 · 4 comments

in Bad Things, Bathroom, Health, Yuck

This is what I’m looking at right now. It’s a hard core, prescription laxative that’s getting my intestines sparkling clean for my colonoscopy tomorrow. Don’t let the name of the stuff fool you; it is not prepping you to watch a movie. I wish. There are movements involved; I’ll leave the rest up to your imagination. (I can actually feel your jealous vibes coming through my computer right now.)

I also am on a clear liquid diet all of today and tomorrow until my procedure around noon. I am thoroughly  starving and peevish and the only reason I haven’t killed someone is because I can drink pop. It’s considered a clear liquid, thank goodness. Since it’s a special occasion I’ve broken out a six pack of Mt. Dew.

The only thing getting me excited is that I plan to have a ginormous pile of BBQ brisket after my colonoscopy. I’m not expecting the doctor to find anything while he’s all up in my business. I’m merely going because my family history puts me at a higher risk. And, hey, sometimes moms have to resort to complete anesthesia in order to get an uninterrupted nap.

Klutzy Kid

March 6, 2013 · 2 comments

in Bad Things, Family, Health, Kids

Arabella broke her arm shortly after the new year and just got her cast off. It’s really odd to me how this one child, the one who is probably the most sedentary of all, is the one who has broken her arm(s) three times. Nobody else has broken anything ever.

photo 6a084b10-e405-4c51-ada5-31640c13ad59_zpsa86516d3.jpg

Lest you think I’m some sort of child abuser, I would like to point out that not once was I around when these arms were broken. The first time was when Arabella was a toddler and my mom was staying with the kids while Mister and I were in Las Vegas. Poor Arabella fell off the slide in the backyard. My mom insisted it wasn’t swollen and didn’t seem broken so I didn’t bother taking her to the hospital for several days after I got home. By that point it had already started healing. Whoopsie.

The second break was on her other arm a couple of years ago. She was running on the playground at school and tripped. She caught her fall with her left arm and broke the radius and the ulna. We took her in right away for that one. The sobbing and bulging gave the broken bones away. Plus the school nurse said that when kids brace their falls that way they almost always break their bones. File that tidbit of information away for later use, everyone.

In January I sent Arabella out to get some exercise. She was bored and complainy and it was Christmas Break so she went out to ride her bike. I ran over to the grocery store to pick something up and while I was gone she hit a rock with her bike, fell over and landed on her left arm. Again.

She cried a lot, according to Mister. I didn’t make it home for another hour and she said it didnt hurt that much. So I made her wait a few days to see of the pain went away. Of course it didn’t. So off we went AGAIN to the orthopedist. It was broken and Arabella got her third cast.

What a pain.

I don’t want to suggest that Arabella is in any way klutzy, but the evidence points to the contrary. “It’s your fault for making me get some exercise,” she pointed out as they were wrapping up her cast. “I told you to ride your bike, not fall off of it,” I reminded her.

She’s supposed to be riding her bike to school now that her cast is off but I’m a little wary, seeing as how she is accident-prone. But I can’t very well not let her ride her bike ever again. Chances are, though, that she’ll find a way to injure herself no matter what she does.

 

*Yes, she’s wearing the same shirt both times. And yes, it’s the same nurse.

 

Makeup Monday–Must-Have Item

February 11, 2013 · 4 comments

in Good Things, Health, Makeup/Beauty, Skin, Uncategorized

I know you’re expecting me to tell you about that mascara or lipstick that you simply must have. Here’s the absolute most important thing you need:

Sunscreen

Yep. Every single day. Winter, summer, even if you live in Oregon and the sun hasn’t come out in days. If you can see without a flashlight, your skin is getting bombarded with UV rays. Don’t believe me? Take a look at this truck driver who spent decades with only one side of his face exposed to the sun. And this is through a window! It’s not even full-on sun exposure!

If you’re under 30 you may think, “meh, I’ll worry about my skin when I’m older.” No, no, no, no, no. If you worry about your skin now, you’ll thank yourself each and every day.

You’re never too old to start wearing sunscreen. Take it from someone who is 41 and has no wrinkles. I wear sunscreen (both in my lotion–28 SPF–and in my foundation–15 SPF) and moisturize ever single day.

If you’re one of those people who insists they look so much better tan, yes. Yes, I’m sure you do. We all look better tan. But when you get tan you’re choosing wrinkles. It’s as simple as that. So if you’re OK with that then tan away.

You’ll never meet a 50 year old who wished she laid out a lot more as a teenager. But you’ll meet a ton of 50-year-olds who wished they took better care of their skin. I’m just telling you what you already know, right? So do it. Buy some skincare products with sunscreen. You can thank me in ten years.

My Review: Menstrual Cups

September 14, 2012 · 20 comments

in Good Things, Health, Hildie Likes

Yeah, I know, you’re making faces just thinking about this, aren’t you? Before I start, let me just warn you that there will be a lot of talk about periods, cervixes and blood in this blog post so if you’re a man you probably do not want to continue reading. But if you’re a woman who hasn’t gone through menopause then periods are part of your life. We need to talk about menstrual cups which are another option at your disposal in your monthly arsenal. These are a lot more popular in Europe. Don’t know why. They’re better for the environment? Save space? Who knows. But most companies and websites that deal with this item are Eurpoean.

Let’s talk about what a menstrual cup even is. It’s a silicone cup with a little thing coming out of the bottom to grab onto. You put it way up inside next to your cervix where it catches all the blood and gook coming out until you dump it out and reinsert it. There are probably more than a dozen options out there but most of them look something like this:

Pros:

Economical. You’ll pay between $20-$40 for one but it will last you for years. Considering a box of tampons costs between $6-10, do the math.

Convenient. No more forgetting a tampon. The cup stays inside and just has to be emptied and reinserted. Your days of having to beg a stranger for a tampon are OVER. Although I do keep a tampon in my purse in case my first period of my cycle starts while I’m not at home.

Environmentally sound. Think of all the tampons and pads that are used around the world. No, don’t think about that. What a disgusting mess. But you can imagine the impact of throwing that much stuff away. Not to mention all the wrappers and applicators.

Capacity. A cup holds a lot more than a tampon. You spend a lot less time in the bathroom since cups have a higher capacity, especially during the lighter days of your period.

Healthy. Cups are made of medical grade silicone. Which means no risk of toxic shock. Silicone is also resistant to bacteria. Just ask all your friends with fake boobs!

Apocolyptically sound. When the world ends you won’t have to use rags during your period or barter for tampons. I know you were worried about that!

Cons:

Messy. Not as messy as you’d imagine but your fingers will come in contact with blood. That can be an issue in public bathrooms. But there’s toilet paper in there for a reason.

Initial Cost. Since everyone’s body is different it could take you a few tries to find the right cup for you. And it’s not like you can sell your used cups on ebay. But once you find the right cup it will be great!

Insertion. This is the tricky part. You have to fold it up to get it inside, make sure it pops open and forms a seal.

I’d heard of menstrual cups over the years but thought, “gross” and dismissed the idea because . . . what a yucky mess! But I talked to my friend Tamara a few months ago. Tamara is even more nutty about preparedness and general End-of-the-World stuff than I am. And the talk turned to having babies and periods, as conversasation naturally does when women are together for more than an hour. She reminded me how awful it’s going to be when society as we know it breaks down and the supply of tampons runs out; and that menstrual cups are really the way to go. [Lightbulb moment!]

So I hopped onto the interwebs to do a little research. One visit to Amazon persuaded me that there must be something good about these things because there are RAVES about menstrual cups. I started by checking out the Divacup, a name I’d actually heard of. These seemed pretty good but I ended up going with the Mooncup because it was pretty cheap (about $20) and had great reviews. So I ordered one and tried it out a couple of weeks later when Aunt Flo came to visit.

There is definitely a learning curve to menstrual cups. Oh my gosh, what a mess the first time! Just think about when you first got your period and you totally didn’t know how it all worked and what a disaster that was. It’s kind of like that during your first period with a cup. But a few comments on Amazon had warned about that and so I stuck with it. The next period went a lot better. Now I’ve used my cup for about six periods and I’m a total convert.

After I used my Mooncup for my first cycle I realized that I needed something a lot more heavy duty. Not only do I have super heavy periods (I go through a Super Plus tampon every hour and a half on days 2-3) but my cervix and surrounding areas are a little roomy thanks to all the children I pushed out. The Mooncup actually slid down each time I used it. Super!

There are different sizes of cups (each manufacturer makes one size if you’ve given birth vaginally, one if you haven’t) and different capacities. Some brands are firmer silicone (they’re better to stay in place) and some are softer (better if youv’e got an oddly-shaped cervical area). Some are shorter and some are longer. Did you know that some women have a high cervix and some have a low cervix? And to make it even more confusing your cervix keeps moving throughout your cycle? Your menstrual cup choices are pretty wide. The only way to know which cup works for you is to try them. Which can get a little spendy. But the right cup makes all the difference!

There is an incredibly helpful blog here that shows all the menstrual cup measurements, rates their softness, their capacity, etc. The comments are all very educational so make sure to read those if you’re interested in trying out a menstrual cup. The one with the widest diameter and the most capacity was the Yuuki. So I ordered one from the only website in the world that seems to carry them (some place in the Czech Republic, I think). I had it within two weeks and it has worked great for me.

Here are the FAQ’s I get asked most often when I mention menstrual cups:

Q: Aren’t they messy?

A: At the beginning, yes. You definitely need to get the hang of it. But once you know what you’re doing it’s not so bad. Yes, you are essentially putting something up inside and your fingers will come in contact with blood. This really is only an issue if you use public bathrooms without sinks nearby. Must cups hold way more liquid than a tampon so the need to change them is a lot less. If I’m going out to dinner and a movie and I know I’ll have to empty my cup I try to find a family or handicap bathroom where a sink is nearby. If not just use toilet paper as much as possible until you can make it to the sink.

When you’re removing your cup just use your vaginal wall muscles to push the cup down to the opening. Then use toilet paper to grab it, break the seal and dump it out.

Q: Do they leak?

A: They will if they get too full. I usually wear a pad during my heavy days just in case. But then, my periods are always crazy heavy. I can go about three hours between empty times for my cup. About 1.5 hours for a tampon. And my tampons ALWAYS leaked, as opposed to every once in a while with my cup. The best part of a cup is when your period isn’t very heavy or you have those weird days at the end of your period where your body can’t decide if it’s finished or not. You can leave your cup in all day and there is no health risk. You can’t get toxic shock from menstrual cups. Just empty it once in the morning and once in the evening and never think about it again. So awesome! If your period is never very heavy I can’t imagine how dreamy it would be to use a cup!

Q: Are they uncomfortable?

A: Nope. The first day I wore one I could feel something there. No pain, just a sense that there was something inside me. But after the first day it disappeared and has never happened since.

Q. How do you put it in exactly?

A: It has to be folded to get inside. Lucky for you there are all sorts of different folding videos on YouTube. MenstrualCupInfo has posted a whole bunch of helpful videos about insertion and removal. (I prefer the punch down fold myself.) Just fold, insert, make sure it pops open, twist it back and forth to make sure it has a decent seal and you’re done. It’s usually easier to put it in when it’s wet. You might want to try doing it in the shower. I get  a better seal when I insert it standing up.

To remove it, squeeze your muscles til the cup is down close to your vaginal opening, grab the base (I use toilet paper) and pinch the sides together. It will come right out and you just dump the blood in the toilet. I like to rinse mine too but that’s not always a possibility. So I just reinsert if I can’t rinse it.

I hope this has given you something to think about. If you’ve tried menstrual cups I’d love to hear your opinion!

Abortion, Part 2–Yep, Let’s Talk About It

September 6, 2012 · 12 comments

in Craziness (hildie's), Health, IMO, Serious

Some of you may be disappointed that I’m not going to keep going with my story I started yesterday (you might want to scroll down and read it first). Partly because there’s not much more to tell (in a nutshell I was really sad. And then I got pregnant a few months later and had a healthy and wonderful baby girl.  And then a couple of years after that I got pregnant again and had an even worse experience which you can read about here. Pregnancy is the craziest roller coaster there is). Partly because I merely wanted give some background on why I believe what I do when it comes to abortion. It’s weird to me that abortion has turned into such a polarizing political issue. I wish we could just clear away all the politics and discuss the topic without it turning into The Hatfields and The McCoys.

Let me say that I am neither a Republic nor a Democrat. There are things I like about both parties and things that make me roll my eyes. I guess I would say that I’m more a Libertarian than anything; live and let live, as I’ve said before. Mostly I just hate politics and Washington D.C. in general and really believe that 98% of national politicians are weasels.

I am mostly against government-sanctioned death in all forms. I hate war and will always be against sending our sons off to fight unless ChinaRussiaCrazyArabs are crossing the Canadian border to invade us. Not that I hate soldiers. I love soldiers! Which is why I want to keep them alive. Especially now that I have teenage boys. I think there should be a law that any politician who suggests a war should have to stay in the to-be-invaded country the entire time the war is on. Maybe then those power-hungry war mongers would think twice. I also oppose killing old people whom we are tired of caring for. And babies whom we don’t want to start caring for.

I don’t really mind killing killers, though. They had their chance. Either kill them or try to rehabilitate them. Don’t waste my money keeping them locked up, bored and angry. Or at least have them pay their grave debt to society by allowing drug and makeup companies to do their testing on them.

Anyhoo, this was supposed to be about abortion. I would like to take special offense at all the women who assert than men have no say in abortion matters. Last time I checked, a man was kind of a necessity for pregnancy. And as a partner shouldn’t he get say? How totally rude to say that men shouldn’t have an opinion. Of course they should! Half of that fetus is theirs, after all.

As I mentioned yesterday, there was a woman I spoke to at the abortion clinic who was on her tenth abortion. I don’t know who paid for them or what her background was. I’m assuming she wasn’t raped ten times. But this was the thing that I kept thinking after I left the clinic (besides how unjust the world is. I wanted a baby, and here were all these women who couldn’t wait to get rid of theirs! Not fair not fair not fair!!!) I am absolutely not a judgemental person. You can ask Mister; he says that’s my most positive quality. I just go with the flow and take it all in stride (unless you’re a killer. I am very judgmental of killers.) So I am in no way suggesting that that woman at the clinic was a bad or evil person. (Irresponsible, though? Obviously.)

It does not seem right to treat abortion like it’s a form of birth control.  There are emotional consequences to having an abortion and it’s wrong to not inform all women that there are. Abortion should not be treated like it’s no big deal, emotionally. It is a big deal!

I do believe that a fetus is a baby once there is a heartbeat. People have all sorts of opinions on when life starts but to me it’s when the heart gets going. Ask any woman who’s had a miscarriage and she’ll tell you it’s a baby.

HOWEVER

Women have the very unusual job of being the custodians of life. We can decide what to eat or drink while we are pregnant and that is our right. And as custodians we can decide that we don’t want to take on the job of parent. It’s sad to me that a woman wouldn’t want to have a baby, but not everyone is in the right place physically, emotionally or mentally to raise a human.  God gave us stewardship when he designed the whole pregnancy plan. I don’t think the government has the right to tell you that you have to stay pregnant when you don’t want to.

I also don’t want women to have to endanger themselves by having to go to seedy backwater abortion clinics. You know women will have abortions. It has been thus since probably the beginning of time. If abortions become illegal women who don’t want to have babies won’t suddenly become dewy-eyed mothers in blissful supportive relationships. In other words, abortions are going to happen. Whether you think they are murder or not. And women have the right to decide. I know from my experience that pregnancy termination my be the right decision when there are severe health risks. We cannot say that all abortion is wrong any more than we can say that all abortion is right.

HOWEVER

I don’t think it’s right to expect the government to pay for abortions. Birth control, yes. Abortions, no. Not when there are so many people who are morally against it. As I said yesterday, I am incredibly fertile. I’ve gotten pregnant nine times. Not once have I gotten pregnant accidentally. I managed to make it happen when I wanted to. I know, I know– your cousin was using two forms of birth control and still got pregnant. Let’s encourage people to be responsible. Birth control really works a lot of the time!

I am a mother and it breaks my heart to hear of children born into abusive or neglectful homes. I don’t want babies to be born into horrible circumstances.

HOWEVER

I do believe that babies are a blessing. And babies can be powerful changers for good. And that the chance to obtain a body is something that every spirit child of God deserves. I believe that more girls/women need to give their babies up for adoption. Now that the stigma of teen pregnancy is pretty much gone, let’s see more girls being courageous and giving themselves and their babies a better shot at life by allowing a mature and loving set of parents raise their child. And hopefully we’ll see fewer grandparents who feel like it’s a just punishiment to make their pregnant daughters keep their babies.

So am I pro-life or pro-choice? Both, I guess. I wish there were some way to address this problem holistically and try to find what’s best for a woman who is stuck with an unwanted pregnancy instead of feeling like only one opinion is right.

I am not trying to convince anyone of my beliefs not do I want any of you readers to rant at me. I just get really angry when I hear abortion discussed so one-dimenionally and just wanted to air my opinion.

 

 

 

My Eating Disorder

May 28, 2012 · 21 comments

in Bad Things, Craziness (hildie's), Dieting, Embarrassing, Health, I'm Not So Great

I’ve been reading a lot lately in the blog world about people having Anorexia/Bulimia/Some-strange-condition-where-they-seems-themselves-as-fat-and-hideous. It takes a lot of courage to talk about hating your body and how much you hate that you hate it. It’s made me think about my relationship with my body. I pretty much have the opposite of Anorexia. I’m not sure what it’s called but I always think I look fantastic. I check myself out each morning and say, “self, you are looking fine!” So I’m always caught off guard when I see a picture of myself or–even worse–my reflection in a store window. “Huh??? What the heck? There’s no way I look like that!”   What is it called when you think you look terrific even though there is evidence to the contrary? Like how Anorexics see nothing but fatness when they look in the mirror, but the opposite.

Those blobs of fat oozing out of the top of my jeans? Meh. It’s just how I’m sitting; it can’t possibly be because there is actual fat spilling out my clothes. No, not possible at all.

My jeans size is in the double digits? Only because they’re skinny jeans. The sizing is way off.

The reason my shirts are size large is on account of my nice chest. That’s the only reason.

According to society I should hate my body. It’s downright embarrassing to like your body if you are larger than a size 6; anyone larger than that should be ashamed. We full-figured gals are hideous monsters blah, blah, blah.

It’s not just about my weight either. I wear red lipstick and imagine how full and pouty and beautiful my lips are. Which made it all the more surprising when my son took a picture of me yesterday and my lips looked entirely average.  And in that same photograph my eyes look dull and brown when they are not dull and brown at all. They are golden with flecks of green! It’s true! They are!

I’m pretty sure I can blame my disorder on my husband, who has showered me with compliments even when I’ve been post-partum with a belly like deflated bread dough. If you’ve been told you are gorgeous and sexy every day for twenty years, you start to believe it. I can also blame my mother. She has this same disorder but I think it’s even worse. Once I was sitting around reading a People magazine with my mom and a few other family members. I came across a picture of Harrison Ford emerging from the ocean. This was about fifteen years ago and he looked mighty fine for somebody his age. I held the picture up and announced what a fox Harrison still was. “Oh, I look just as good as he does,” my mother informed us. She was dead serious and didn’t notice us all rocking with silent laughter. She was quite the hottie back in the 1950′s and in her mind she still was/is. All I can say is good for her. And good for me because she has passed it on.

Does that mean I wouldn’t love to lose twenty pounds? Of course I would! I’m not mental! I would love to catch my reflection out of the corner of my eye and have it actually look like what I imagine it to look like. Which on a good day is Audrey Hepburn* and on a bad day is more like Joan from Mad Men.

Next time you see a ginormous lady in Walmart wearing high heels and miniskirt, cut her some slack. Sister is suffering from the same disease as me.  We can’t help it if we think we’re gorgeous.

 

*Intellectually I am fully aware that I haven’t looked like Audrey Hepburn since I was 11. Not exaggerating. I went from a from a girl’s size 12 to a Juniors size 7 in one year. I have been and will forever remain hourglassy. But the mind plays tricks. And if I see Audrey in the mirror what am I supposed to do?

Satan’s Sweat

March 3, 2012 · 7 comments

in Bad Things, Good Things, Health, I'm Not So Great, Why Hildie's tired

When I had my first baby and started nursing, the most surprising thing (besides feeling like my nipples were about to be sucked right off my body) was how thirsty I was all the time. My mouth felt I’d been eating ashes. I started drinking gallons of milk, water, juice, pop–anything I could get my hands on.

India and I had a hard time getting used to each other. She was a pretty good baby but she had her issues. One of the most annoying things she did was to wake up bright-eyed every single night around 10 pm and stay awake for hours. Not crying necessarily; just being a baby.  Mister had a weird job that required him to be out the door at 4 am, so he had to sleep and was no help. After feeding and playing with her in the middle of the night for a couple of weeks I had reached my breaking point. I was so exhausted.  I had no idea what to do and this was before the internet when you could ask people on message boards all across the world for help. So I did the only thing I could think of. I fasted. I fasted and prayed that God would either make that baby sleep or tell me how to fix the problem.

But when you are nursing round the clock you can’t just give up food and drink. So I thought of the most important and beloved thing I was consuming and figured I would give that up as my fast.  With me being in such a constant state of bone-aching exhaustion the only thing that was helping me get through the day was my Big Gulp of Mountain Dew.  And of course I always  got the biggest one because I was so dang thirsty.

Duh.

It turns out God didn’t need to answer my prayer. I answered it myself. Only a brain-dead new mother would not figure out that drinking massive amounts of caffeine would be the reason her breast-fed daughter was not sleeping at night.  Although I should have given up the Dew altogether, I couldn’t. So I stopped drinking so much and only drank it before 2 pm. And voilà! India started going to bed at a decent time and only woke up in the middle of the night to eat and would go right back to sleep.

This little story was just to point out the relationship I have always had with Mt. Dew. Some might call it a full-blown addiction but I prefer the term “love affair”. However, it occurred to me that as of Thursday it has been two whole months since I have had my favorite drink on the entire planet Earth. I’m pretty sure it’s my longest Dew-less streak ever.

I have given up sugar pretty much completely since December 31st. (Valentine’s Day and the following week were a complete debacle, but I’m back on track.) That includes Mt. Dew. Even at my weakest point this year, though, I have refused to give in to Satan’s Sweat.  As much as I love it, it’s my gateway drug. Once I start drinking the Dew, my healthy eating and drinking habits rapidly disintegrate.

So three cheers for me!  I feel like I’m strong enough to do anything now!

(And in case you’re curious, no, I do not have more energy. I have less. It stinks.)

 

Get Thee Behind Me, Sugar

January 27, 2012 · 11 comments

in Bad Things, Birthdays (everyone else's), Dieting, Health, Serious

So, it’s time to fess up about my New Year’s Resolutions. We won’t get into the sordid details of every single one, but the big one has been giving up sugar. Which I have done. Sugar and I have gone our separate ways. Yes, I still eat things like bread that have some sugar in them. But I try to at least stick to whole wheat.

As I’ve mentioned about a million times on this blog, I have a major sugar addiction. An honest-to-goodness addiction and I’m not even exaggerating. I have never traded sex for baked goods, but I’ve done just about every other unseemly thing that involves sugar. And I was starting to scare myself.

Unlike other people who can “fill a craving”, I am a bottomless pit when it comes to sweets. There is no “off” button; only one that says “more, please”.

So I decided on New Year’s Eve to go cold turkey. As a farewell I ate half of a lemon pound cake (I would have eaten the whole thing but I didn’t make it til 3:00.) I also drank an entire two-liter of Mountain Dew. Myself. And I wasn’t even wired.  So you see why I had to do this?  It’s gotten a bit out of control.

You guys, I have been praying my guts out. That is the only way I have been able to have the strength to do this. I started the year out with a fast. Which I think will be my new tradition because it is such a zen, contemplative way to start new goals. Every day, almost every hour, I have had to pray for strength and discipline.  And that’s what I’ve gotten.

So last week when I did my cinnamon roll tutorial? I didn’t have even a smidge.  When I made coffee cake for my family on Sunday? Not a bite.  Nor have I had cookie dough all the times when my kids have made it. I am so incredibly proud of myself.

So proud.

But I’m still praying hard. Because it is still difficult. Man, is it difficult. It’s easier to say no than it was at the beginning. But it’s hard having the thing that you love so much surrounding you at ever store, at every restaurant and church activity.

My goal was to make it sugar-free til today, which is York’s birthday. I decided that I can have a piece of birthday cake on my children’s birthdays and then it’s back on the wagon. So I had my one piece of cake. A cake which is one of my favorites.

Holy crap, I feel horrendous. The sugar made me feel like I’m going to either throw up or die. And the cake didn’t even taste that good!  What is happening? Who am I?

So, yes, sugar free again. I had my little fling and I’ll be good  until March 14th when I get my slice of cake (it’s the next birthday in our family).  And after the reaction of my body to the cake tonight, I’m kind of excited to get the sugar out of my system again. Bleh.

Bumpy Red Skin on Your Upper Arms and How to Get Rid of It

November 21, 2011 · 7 comments

in Bad Things, Good Things, Health, How-To, Makeup/Beauty, Skin

Today is Makeup Monday and although I call it that, it’s really about more than just cosmetics. Anything having to do with the face or skin is fair game.  Today we’ll be discussing that gross, bumpy, red skin that shows up on the backs of your arms (or even on your legs, hips or bum). I always figured this skin condition was something that happened to everyone as they got older. It happened to me, although I’m not really sure when I first noticed it—maybe sometime in my early thirties.  But I’ve talked to several people who don’t have it (lucky!). I’ve also found out that it can actually be caused by a medical condition called Keratosis Pilaris. (That sounds like some sort of fancy new workout.)

I’m rather passionate about skin care and have tried all sorts of methods to get rid of my scaly, red chicken skin. I have used every exfoliation product sold at the store and still it’s persisted.

Until now.

My red bumps are gone. Completely gone. It took about two weeks.

This is how I got rid of them: (People are always asking me for lots of details when I do a skin “how-to” so this will be very descriptive.)

1. Exfoliate in the shower every day. You can use whatever method you prefer. I have a loofah that I use sometimes. But I also use an Apricot Scrub by St. Ives. This is a really unique body scrub because it isn’t oily. Most scrubs are full of oil so they will moisturize as well as exfoliate. But we don’t need to be coated with oil at this point. So stick with the St. Ives if you plan on using a body scrub (it’s also perfect for exfoliating before a spray tan). It’s cheap and can be found in just about any drug or grocery store. But any product that really gives your skin a good scrubbing will be fine.  Exfoliation alone is not enough, though.


2. Moisturize. I stumbled across a fantastic product a while ago called Olay Quench In-Shower Body Lotion. It is pretty strange stuff. After you’ve cleaned yourself off in the shower, you slather this Olay lotion on and then rinse it off. Yes, you rinse it off. So bizarre. But it is wonderful. It will leave your skin so moist and soft. And it has a little sparkle to it. Who doesn’t want to be sparkly? (Okay, maybe not men. But Mister uses it and you definitely cannot see the sparkle through his arm hair.) It has  a pleasant scent (not my fave but it’s OK. The scent doesn’t last long anyway).  Occasionally I can find this at Target (you know I don’t shop at the Walmarts on principle so I can’t tell you if they sell it there) but sometimes I have to get it here on Amazon where it’s about $8 for a pretty big bottle. It’s easy to spot because it has a large hole at the top of the bottle to hang in your shower (nifty little touch). You don’t have to use this moisturizer, but I love it and it’s super convenient to apply lotion head to toe and be done in 30 seconds. If you don’t want to use this, then go straight to step three.

3. After I get out of the shower and do my hair, my lotion has absorbed pretty well so I apply my third—and most important—product: Glytone Body Lotion which you can buy here. I found this on Amazon and it’s been a game-changer.  This lotion is over 17% Alpha Hydroxy Acid. So basically, it’s going to sizzle off those bumps and keep new ones from forming.  Glytone is pretty spendy (about $30 for an 8 ounce bottle) but I only apply it to the areas that need it so I imagine it’s going to last quite a while.  Glytone needs to be applied twice a day, so I use it in the morning after my shower like I said, then in the evening after I get undressed. That way it can sit on my body all night long.

I’ve been completely amazed at my arms; they are silky, clear and baby soft. It took me about two weeks to get them looking good, but other people that have used Glytone say it can take up to 3-4 weeks.  If you’re going to be wearing anything revealing for the holidays, now is the time to get your skin in tip-top shape.

 

I was not compensated for any of these products. I bought them, tried them and liked them all on my own.

Hypnobirth: My Experience

November 11, 2011 · 6 comments

in Craziness (hildie's), Health, IMO, Kids

As I mentioned in my post earlier this week, I am a fan of epidurals. But by my fifth baby I thought, I’d really like to know what if feels like to have a baby without pain medication. I would like to be able to say definitively which is better. There really is an undercurrent in our society of natural childbirth being the best, with an epidural coming in a distant second and a C-Section! Well, that’s the worst thing ever!  You might as well paint an F for “failure” on your forehead.  I happen to not agree with this, but that seems to be the message that pregnant women are fed day after day.

Since I am not a big fan of pain and avoid it as much as possible, I knew I’d need some tools in my arsenal to help with a natural labor and delivery. I needed to find The Secret. The secret that would allow me to give birth as pain-free as possible. I did some research and Hypnobirth seemed like the best fit for me.

Hypnosis is a bit of misnomer as this makes people think you’re going to be in some sort of goofy trance the whole time while your husband waves a pocket watch in front of your face.  Hypnosis in this case is actually just massive relaxation on demand; the idea being that if you are relaxed it will hurt a lot less. This makes sense.

Hypnobirth requires training. We found a good teacher but the training was pretty cheesy. Part of each class is practicing several relaxation readings with your partner.  But the rest of the class is spent discussing the ideas and philosophy behind Hypnobirth which I found a little eye-roll inducing. For example you’re not supposed call contractions “contractions” but something more positive. They recommend “surges”, but you can chose your own term. I decided on “fiestas” because doesn’t eating chips and guacamole and dancing sound pretty fun? Granted, I took the Hypnobirth classes with my sister and we sat in the back with our husbands and giggled and made fun of the hippy teacher and generally were disruptive and silly. I am a pragmatic person at heart and some of the background behind Hypnobirth seemed hokey to me.

The most important thing that makes Hypnobirth birth successful is practicing hypnosis, both in class and at home. This was really hard for me as I am naturally a sleeper. If you tell me to close my eyes it will only be a matter of seconds until I fall asleep (ask the people in my yoga class. I completely konk out during savasana every single time). But I tried really hard to relax (kind of a funny oxymoron) without falling asleep and got pretty good at it after a couple of months.

My husband recorded himself reading the various scripts we were given to help us relax with some flowy New-Age music in the background. That way I could listen to the recordings whenever I wanted. It’s really important to practice these a lot during your pregnancy so that your mind can instantly relax on command while you’re in labor. If you haven’t been practicing you will never be able to get on top of your fiestas and things will quickly fall apart.

When I had Jasper (baby #6) I figured that since I had used Hypnobirth successfully only 14 months earlier that I would still be able to do it, no problem. Consequently I barely practiced at all. And it was quite a debacle. After three hours of hideous contractions which–I SWEAR!–should have put me at eight centimeters but instead stalled me at four, I cried uncle and begged for the epidural. So I got one and Jasper was born ten minutes later. Whatever.

Hypnobirth during labor with Adelaide was very successful for me. Contractions for the most part were pretty do-able. I was in pain but hypnosis exercises (which I listened to for the entire five hours) really helped keep me in the relaxation zone. The downside of the constant need to be coached in relaxation is that you really can’t be talking to people. Which means that your phone calls and interruptions need to be kept to a minimum. My nurses were really good about coming in and monitoring me without bugging me very much.  But one of my friends is a doctor at the hospital where I was delivering and she came in to chat and would not leave. I pretty much had to scream at her to get her out of there.

The big fail in hypnobirth was the actual pushing. It hurt. More than I can communicate. It’s hard for me to wrap my head around that much pain. I’m pretty sure only chemicals can make pushing pleasant. For me it only lasted three minutes. But they were three very horrendous minutes. Very, very, very, very horrendous.

I was in no mood to be holding a baby after the delivery. I just wanted to curl up in a ball and die. I eventually got my shiz together and held my sweet little girl. But it took a while. Obviously the experience wasn’t too terrible because I got pregnant on purpose five months later.

My final verdict is that if you are determined to go natural, Hypnobirth is a pretty good technique. I liked that it required a lot of my husband. Usually he’s got his face stuck in the computer while I’m in labor or is taking “one last business call”. But Hypnobirth required that he be present for me.  If your husband is good for nothing or, like my friend Molly’s husband, is prone to fainting and ends up passing out and getting stitches when he hits his head on the hospital bed, then maybe you should forget Hypnobirth. Or get a doula.

 

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