Other People

May and June will be bringing us our last two birthdays of the Season (“the Season” spans from December-June with a birthday every month).

As bad luck and poor planning will have it, both children are due for a birthday party. Arabella (turning 11) hasn’t had one for three years and Jasper (turning six) has never had one. You will either think me very mean or very smart for that.

I took a couple of party planning classes at the Snap conference. Party planning, laundry and growing plants are really my weakest areas. Actually, I always throw really fun parties; it’s just that I’m a horrendous procrastinator and I end up stressed out and overspent (literally and figuratively).

So this year I’m planning ahead. Well, planning ahead is relative. I planned the themes and got the invitations three weeks in advance. I have also gotten my two children to agree to the same color scheme for both parties (turquoise and lime).  That means I can get all the same party stuff and just change the accents. Good thinking, me!

This year the parties will be at home. I cannot afford all the Chuck E. Cheese/Bouncy House/Bowling Alley nonsense. We are going to leave the decorations up for a whole month to cover both parties. Not even joking. Who hasn’t wanted to leave dozens of tissue paper flowers hanging from their ceiling for weeks at a time? Its fun and festive! And they kind of match my decor.

I got the new Amy Atlas party planning book from Amazon last week (it focuses mainly on the tablescape and food items)

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It is so fantastic. It’s full of pictures, DIY options, recipes and party planning secrets that are brilliant and I’d never heard of before (You can and should buy the book here.) For the book I can thank the Fairy Hobmother. He is a man-fairy from Appliances Online who flits about the blogosphere bestowing Amazon gift cards on lucky readers. He was nice enough to shine his fairy wand on me. And with my gift card I bought my party planning book (and a marvelous set of mixing bowls).  If you leave me a comment, the Fairy Hobmother might visit you too! It’s totally legit. I have the mixing bowls to prove it.

Anyhoo, I’m off to buy tissue paper and color coordinating gum balls.

 

I was compensated for my Amazon gift card and will get oodles of money if you buy the Amy Atlas book through my link.

I nearly forgot that today is the official Star Wars Day. (The unofficial Star Wars Day for fans is the other 364 days of the year). I can’t believe I came this close to not reminding everyone. Fortunately I have Kacy who keeps me apprised of all the milestones in Science Fiction.

My son York is fifteen and Star Wars is pretty much the most important thing in his life (he has never had a girlfriend, strangely enough). I would like to think that I, his mother, am most important. I only gave him life and read Things That Go three thousand times to him.  You know, nothing special. Nothing like the things Darth Sidious has done for him. But he doesn’t have a corner of his room dedicated to me.

 

Nor does he have an assortment of posters with my face on them (you guys, this is only two of the Star Wars posters in his room.)

Nor does York have a clock featuring scenes from my life.

So I shall shrug my shoulders and make myself some cookies. Shortbread X-Wing fighter, anyone?

Today we have a guest post by my favorite reader: my sister, Arianne, from Little Pink Houses. She and I (and my brother, too) were ingrained from the time we were born with the notion of “I can do it myself and probably cheaper”. Arianne saw a cute vignette of stuffed fabric birds mounted on a branch and decided to make something similar for her daughter’s nursery. They turned out really adorably and would be completely easy to customize to any sort of decor. I asked her to do a tutorial for my blog because I knew these would be a not-too-difficult sewing project; plus I LOVE BIRDS! OK, Arianne, show us how to put a bird on it!

First you’ll need to pick out some fabrics.  Any fabric will work, but some are easier to work with than others (lightweight quilting cotton is easier than denim, for example. Silk would be a really lovely and elegant choice.) You can use fabric scraps you have on hand, you can ask someone you know who sews to look through their extras, or you can buy fabric quarters (called “fat quarters”) in coordinating fabrics.  Most fabric stores sell these for around $1.50-2.00/piece, or in pre-coordinated packs for $5-10 for 5+ pieces.   You need 2 fabrics for each bird. A safe amount is 8” square for each section of the bird.

I recommend laying out your fabrics in pairs before you start, one piece for the top/head/wings and the other piece for the belly of the bird.  If your pieces are different sizes, the larger piece should be for the top of the bird.

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Print out your pattern. I used one from SpoolSewing; you can download their free PDF here.  Cut the patterns out of the paper.

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I made these patterns a little bigger because I found the 1/4″ hem to be a little too tight.  It was very hard to sew a ¼” hem on such a small shape, since it requires a lot of turning as you sew. A few of my birds had to be re-sewn because I missed an edge.  Give yourself a little extra room around your pattern so that you can allow for a bigger seam allowance.

Next grab your first pair of fabric pieces .  Choose the piece to be the top/sides of the bird.  Make a fold in it, about 6” deep.  Lay the bird top pattern along the fold of fabric 1 so that it will double itself when you open the fold up.  Pin it down with a couple of pins.  Lay your bird belly pattern on fabric 2 and pin it down.  Cut them both out.  (If you didn’t leave an edge around the paper pattern, just leave an extra edge around it now as you cut it out.  I promise you won’t be sorry for giving yourself an extra ¼” allowance once you start sewing.

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Repeat this process with all your birds.

Iron your bird pieces.  The last thing you want is to get them sewn and stuffed and THEN notice that they are wrinkly, or that the fold is still showing across the top of one.

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Lay the top and bottom bird pieces together PRETTY SIDE IN.  In other words, the sides of the fabric you want to show when you’re done should be facing each other.

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Starting at the tail, pin together one edge of fabric 1 and one edge of fabric 2.  Pin about every 1-1 ½” and stop when you get to the end of fabric 2.  Remember that these will be 3 dimensional birds, so the fabrics won’t lie exactly flat.  You’ll have to sort of bunch the top piece a little, with little folds between the pins, to get the edges flush.  They’ll sew up just fine, so don’t worry.

Sew one edge of your first bird.  (Although it’s generally easier to work in a sort of assembly line fashion—cutting all of the pieces at once, ironing all of the pieces at once, etc.—I found through trial and error that you should sew one bird completely and then turn it inside out to check it for seam holes before moving on to the next bird.)  I used white thread, but you can use any color you want.  The stitching doesn’t show much except on the tail.*  GO VERY SLOWLY.  You have to turn these babies a lot, and they are very small.  It can be kind of hard to get them turned in time if you go fast, and the attractiveness of your bird, especially the head, depends a LOT on how evenly and carefully you sew these seams.  Sew it poorly and your bird will end up looking more like a vulture! (Ask me how I know.) Also, remember to sew a little bit bigger hem than the pattern shows (if you’ve cut it with extra room) so you don’t miss any edges.

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Remove the pins and pin together the other edges of the two fabrics, again starting at the tail.  These two will lay even less flat, with even more bunching between the pins.  Just do your best to keep the edges aligned.

Sew the second edge.  Now keep in mind, when you get to the end of the belly fabric (#2), you can just keep going and sew up the bottom side of the head of the bird.  I found it easiest to keep going up the breast, up the head, and right off the end of the beak.

Then to come back and do the top side of the head separately.  If you try to take that corner (around the beak’s point), you may end up with a weird-shaped beak.

You probably won’t need to pin the bird’s head to do the rest of the sewing—it’ll be pretty well held together.  Just make sure your two pieces of head fabric are lined up right.  This next part is very crucial:  STARTING AT THE BIRD’S BACK, TAKE AS SHALLOW AN ANGLE AS YOU CAN COMING IN TO FINISH OFF THE BIRD’S HEAD, almost continuing the line of its back.  If you come in steep, you will create a point on the bird’s back, and your bird will look like a vulture!  I had to unpick my first 2-3 birds before I got the correct angle.  This is why it’s crucial to turn the bird inside out before you move on to the next bird.  I even recommend using a pencil point to get the whole beak turned out so you can see its shape.  (Sewing around that beak is tough.  Just remember, go very slowly.  And stop every few centimeters, with the needle still IN the fabric, lift up the foot slightly, turn the fabric, and continue sewing.  I can’t stress enough how important it is to do a very rounded seam around the bird’s head to avoid it having a vulture-like neck or beak.)

Note from Jennie: To keep any puckering from happening at the birds neck, make three little snips about 1/8″ away from each other right where the neck arches. You’ll cut from the edge of the fabric right up to the seam (but don’t cut the seam!).

After you’ve sewn both sides and the head (the tail is left open), turn your bird inside out and check to make sure you haven’t missed an edge and left a gaping hole.  If you haven’t, good!  You’re a better seamstress than me.  Now move on to your second bird.

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Once  you’ve sewn up all your birds, and they’re right-side out, it’s time to start stuffing!  I bought one 12oz bag of ultra plush fiber, and it was plenty to do about 14 birds.

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Use the eraser of a pencil to push the fiber down into the beak first.  You don’t want to get done and find you have a floppy beak!  Leave about ½” of the tail empty so that you can sew it closed.

 

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Finish the tail.  You can do a fancy hand-stitch here to make the thread invisible.  But after doing that with one bird, I found it way too time consuming.  Instead I decided to just fold both pieces of fabric over, inward, ¼” and sew a straight stitch across the tail.  You can see the thread, but once the birds are up on the branch, it won’t show much.  And I actually think it looks pretty cute!

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You’re done with the sewing! Aren’t your birds so cute?

 

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Next select a good branch.  You can buy fancy polished branches at the craft store.  Or you can pick one off a tree in your yard.  I recommend one with at least a ½” diameter on the main branch with ¼” diameter shoot-offs; too flimsy and it will bend under the birds’ weight.

Lay out your branch on the ground and position your birds before you glue them on.  That way you can be sure you like the final look without having to peel off mis-placed birds. I also recommend taking a picture because once you pick up the branches to mount them, you’ll forget where your birds went.

Mount your branch.  You want your branch to be at least an inch or two from the wall so your birds’ tails will fit behind the branch.  So if you can find or buy some really long nails (3-4 inches), that will allow your branch to sit away from the wall.  Hold your branch up to the wall and mark where you want it to go with a pencil.  Put in a couple of nails to support the branch—allowing your branch to lie on them.  Use some clear fishing line or thread to lash the branch to the nails.

Hot glue!  Use a dab of hot glue on the branch (not on the bird) where you want each bird to sit.  Right where the body meets the tail is a good spot for balancing the bird (it’s where the feet would be on a real bird, after all).   Stand back and check each one as you go to make sure it’s

sitting level and looking the right direction.  It’s a lot harder to move them once the glue has hardened.  Put all your birds on and…voila!  Birds on a branch!

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While I do like to get dressed up and go out, my favorite is to sit around and do my little hobbies. While partying in Las Vegas can be fun (maybe like once a decade), I enjoy peace and quiet. Most of my friends are of the same mind. So when my friend Cheryl said that she’d planned a girls-only trip to a beach house over MLK weekend for four of us, we knew we wouldn’t need much more than books, knitting and food.

And indeed it proved to be laid-back and wonderful. The weather was sunny and pleasant because it’s Texas. But not warm, because it isn’t Hawaii for pete’s sake.

The rental house was teeny and slightly, ahem, rustic in a ramshackle-at-the-beach sort of way. So if you didn’t get invited, blame the fact that the house was so small it only had one bathroom and not even a kitchen table.

We stayed in our pajamas all weekend. We watched movies. We looked for shells on the beach (it hadn’t been plundered by a thousand children like it is in the summer and there were shells a-plenty). I knit (unravelled and reknit the beginning of a scarfy/shawly thing about five times), and read the first half of three different books.  We took turns making meals and didn’t venture out in public the entire time.

As you can imagine I was relaxed and revived after several days of lazy bliss. So the fact that kitchen was an absolute disaster when I got home only made me slightly furious; not incredibly furious as it usually does.

I really love birds. Even seagulls. Turns out they’re sort of cannibalistic and didn’t mind eating some left over chicken.  Ah, look at the joy on my face. Does anyone not like feeding birds? (Yes. Cheryl. Who cowered in the house whenever there were more than ten birds visible at any one time.)
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What’s up with the seagull’s leg?

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We also didn’t bring makeup.

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The Kindergarten birthday party circuit has begun. And now that I’m on my sixth kindergartener I have made a decision: if I can’t drop my kid off and leave the party then we won’t be coming. Sorry. Your child’s birthday is not important to me. Isn’t it enough that we bought a present? Asking me to sit in a smelly bouncy house place for two hours is too much. TOO MUCH! I would do it for a best friend. But some random school acquaintance? Forget it! Life is too short to sit and make pitiful small talk. I’m not about to waste my precious Saturday on you.

Of course you say that it’s fine to leave. But I can tell from the feast of kid-unfriendly sandwiches and the relish tray that you mean to feed me so I won’t go. And then there are all the other parents who are standing around. I know they’ll raise an eyebrow if I take off. Maybe they’ll just be jealous. Just know this: as I sit in the corner glaring at you when I look up from my knitting, I don’t like you one bit.

One of the most popular topics among my girlfriends these days is The List. There is no get-together or discussion that doesn’t eventually wind up on this topic.

You know what The List is, right? It’s your collection of celebrity boyfriends (or girlfriends). What you do with your celebrity boyfriends is up to you. Originally it’s the people you would be allowed to have sex with, there being no consequences. But if you want to keep it chaste and only take long walks on the beach, well, it’s your decision. Your celebrity boyfriend will be happy to do as you’d like. (Fantasies are so delightfully accommodating.)

The best part of having a List is discussing the pros/cons of each person. For example, this guy is on almost almost all my friends lists:

James McEvoy? For reals? He totally doesn’t do it for me. Especially since I always picture him as Mr. Tumnus in The Chronicles of Narnia. No goat hooves for me, thanks.

However, Matt Damon is another story.

You know he went to Harvard before he was famous? I love smart men. And nice men. Sigh.

So no mean guys need apply to my list. Or vampires. Or people who play vampires. I don’t care how sexy they are.

Some other men on my list:

James Marsden:

Taye Diggs  (LOVE the glasses!):

Jude Law. Most English people sound smart even if they’re not, so they get bonus points. Plus Jude is hot on top of being British.

This is, of course, just a start. How about you? Who is on your list? Don’t be shy; it’s Fess-Up Friday so play along!

My mother is a major tightwad. Especially when it comes to things that are death and burial-related. It’s all a rip-off as far as she’s concerned. Thus we had this conversation a while ago (I swear this is absolutely true).

Mom: “When I die I want to be buried in a plain plywood box.”

Me: “I’m pretty sure they don’t sell those at the mortuary.”

Mom: “well, then you can just make one.”

Me: “so I’m supposed to go straight from your deathbed to Home Depot to pick up some wood to make you a coffin? Not only do I not know how to build coffins, I don’t think I’ll really be in the mood.”

Mom: (after some thought) “I could make one now!”

Me: “And where are you going to keep this casket? You live in a one bedroom apartment.”

Mom: “You could keep it at your house!”

Me: “uhhhh”

Mom: (voice is starting to get very excited) “I’ll add some temporary shelves and we’ll just say it’s a bookcase! You can add the lid later!”

Me: “uhhhh”

Mom: “Hey, you know what would be really nice? If you covered it with pictures of the family! Like a giant collage!”
Me: “uhhhh”

Mom: “And did I mention that I don’t want to be buried in a cemetery?”

Me: “I am not burying you in my backyard so don’t even ask.”

The woman is as hearty as can be so we’re not anticipating death for at least twenty or thirty years. I’m guessing we’ll have plenty of time to mull her plans over.

Well, not really. Not even close. But I did get to do a TV show yesterday for BYU TV. It was all about “Mommy Bloggers” (their choice of words, not mine). I represented the semi-dorky, unknown, small-potatoes blogger. While the other guests (Mindy from The Mommy Blog, Daphne from Cool Mom, Kadi from Girly Gazette) represented the saavy Moms who have business-fied their blogs.  All three have the trifecta of womenhood: they’re funny, smart and pretty.

BYU flew me up, got me a rental car and hotel room. Even so, I showed up thinking it was just going to be some sort of rinky-dink operation run by goofy college students.  How very wrong I was.  First of all, they had a lovely gift basket waiting in my hotel room (you know how I am about gifts, remember).


I was very fortunate to get my old hairdresser and friend, Shellie, to do some highlights and give me a little trim that day (very daring, no? Can you imagine what a debacle that could have turned into? But I trust Shellie. I have been loathing my hair lately as it super flat and limp and makes my head look like a coconut. Shellie fixed me right up.) Then Cherise, the make-up/hair lady at the studio got her hands on me and WOW! I magically had sexy hair and fantastic make-up.


That’s not me, by the way. I did not go blonde and suddenly become a size 0. That would be Kadi. Normally when I see a woman with a gorgeous bod like she has I just turn up my nose and think to myself, snottily, “well, let’s see how good she would look if she had six kids like me.” But Kadi has SEVEN kids! Holy Toledo. I would hate her but she’s too funny and normal. 

This is me several hours later (some of the magic has been lost, but you get the general idea):


Do you like that shirt?  I made it. I needed that color of shirt since it makes my eyes look green (not really, but please humor me).  I couldn’t find one that was just right so I was left to sew something.  Desperate times call for desperate measures, folks.

Then it was on to more serious things like running several wires and electrical things under my clothes including a microphone wedged into my cleavage. I hope those are disposable because I’m sure mine smelled like boob sweat by the end of the night.


I was most enchanted by the ginormous doors on the soundstage. They were like 20 feet tall.


We had a quick run-through on the set, which was gorgeous. It looked like a super cool family room. I think we should have all gotten to pick our favorite prop to take home as a souvenir. (Notice my blog header on the screen behind me. That kind of freaked me out. Like “who am I and what am I doing here?”)



The host of the show, our very own Oprah, was Rebecca Cressman; Yet another talented, funny woman.  I haven’t ever met any other TV hosts, but I can’t imagine anyone nicer or more professional.  During our interview she asked me lots of questions but it was all pretty much a blur and I don’t remember much of what I said. Except for one part when Rebecca asked where I like to blog and I said “the toilet”. As the words were coming out of my mouth my mind was screaming “shut up, Jennie!!!”. Rebecca assumed I meant “in the bathroom”, but I really meant I like to blog while I’m going to the bathroom. I tried to pretend that’s not what I meant, but you know the truth (I know some of you are thoroughly grossed out. Sorry. But I have to take advantage of the lock and the fan. Those are a mother’s best friend. And I have very regular bowels. And I like to multitask.)

As part of our interview we talked about why Moms blog and if there really is a true sense of knowing each other even though we don’t actually know each other. (Of course. Duh.) They “surprised” me by bringing on Kacy, one of my blogging friends whom I have never met.  


Kacy liked me enough to go out to dessert afterwards. We Mormon girls sure know how to party! 

Today I woke up and watched some TV in bed while I ate breakfast. I love to eat in bed at hotels because I don’t have to worry about crumbs. Somebody will change my sheets when I make a mess. So I brought a bowl of Lucky Charms back to my room, but I forgot a spoon. So I ate them with my fingers. It’s really hard to eat cereal and milk with your fingers. Try to avoid it if possible.

Summation: I had a great two/three days. Doing a TV show was a really fun experience, I ate every single meal with someone I loved (except the Lucky Charms), and I hit the Easter decoration jackpot at Tai Pan Trading.

Oh yes, the show will air during the new TV season in September (I’ll be sure to let you know so you can all hear my dumb voice). You’ll be able to watch it if you have BYUTV on your satellite or cable line-up. And the answer to the question everyone has asked me (“why did they pick you?”): I have no idea. Especially since there are so many bloggers out there who are funnier/more interesting/have done it longer. I’m pretty sure they just felt sorry for me.


(Melinda, Me, Jeannie, Cheryl, Chelon and Sara)

Pioneer Woman came rolling into Austin last night and we had a rip-roaring good time at her book signing (since you read my blog, you are most likely a female and, well, you just seem like the type who would like Pioneer Woman. But some of you don’t know.  Some of you are missing out on the funny, sassy charmingness of her massive blog. If this is the case, repent ye!)   Only three of you bothered to say you wanted to go with me even though I announced it on Facebook.  Never you mind, though. I managed to scrounge up a few friends at the last minute.  So there! 

(Can I just add that it’s so incredibly wonderful to have children who are old enough to babysit the younger ones?  I just told Finn what to make for dinner and waltzed out the door.  I did have to get them a new DVD because six bored kids can get into a lot of trouble.  But they are so very easy to please, especially since we don’t have TV, just a DVD player.  York–who is a 12 year old boy, keep in mind–actually said, “hey, there’s a sequel to Swan Princess?  Cool.”)

Pioneer Woman (whose name is Ree, short for Ann Marie in case you didn’t know.  And I didn’t until she told us last night) was as lovely and friendly as can be.  Apparently the raucous hordes of women who attend her book signings haven’t jaded her yet. Not only was Ree/Pioneer Woman charming, she had free t-shirts on hand for the adoring masses (free and very cute t-shirts).


I have been to signings at Book People before and while I love the store, it’s a bit too cozy for such a large event.   I actually had to stand the entire time. Ugh.  You know me and my mantra: don’t stand when you can sit; don’t sit when you can lie down.  But standing was all right since it gave me a chance to stare at Ree who was, like, this close [scream].  (She sure doesn’t dress like a country girl.  Love those Anthro boots!)


We were one of the first groups to have our books signed, so we had plenty of time to talk to Marlboro Man (talk, Cheryl, not touch!)   


Chelon (say it Shuh-LAWN) is quite the vinyl letter wizard and made PW an adorable plaque, which she was gracious enough to let us all sign.  I love taking credit for a present I had nothing to do with!  I signed “I know we would be best friends.  I’m a redhead trapped in a brunette’s body.”  Hoo boy, I crack myself up.  But it’s true about the hair.  I’m a spunky gal and this brown hair just doesn’t communicate that.  (Especially when it was as limp and lame as it was last night. Seriously, hair, you really let me down.)   In heaven I will have hair the color of  a brand new penny.  No, no, that’s a weird color.  Darker like an old penny.  But shiny.  And curly.  Big, slow curls.


(PW with the lovely Chelon)

I am not daunted by fame* and I asked PW a question at the Q& A (“what are you really bad at cooking?”  Answer: bread) and as she signed my book we had a nice little talk about baked goods and me being the Utah Cookie Making Champion of 2007 (Really.  I have the ribbon to prove it. Obviously it was before we moved to Texas).  



(note to self: never wear this sweater again. Cute on the hanger, but super frumpy on the body)

(not true, by the way)

We had a great night and topped it off with yummy Tex-Mex after we left the bookstore.  When I got home all the kids were in bed (yipee!).  The kitchen was a bit of a disaster, but a girl can’t have everything. 

*may I remind you of the Stephenie Meyer incident.  Cheryl, one of the most ardent Twilight fans, was rendered speechless when we met Stephenie last year in Houston.  I was left to chit-chat with Stephenie about church and if people there are nice to her or gossipy, and do people act weird when she does normal things like pick her son up from preschool?  (she doesn’t do a lot of normal things like that.  Mostly her husband does, in case you were wondering. And she’s been in the same ward forever so everyone knows her and they’re really nice.)

You remember my post about the phases of blog relationships?  Well, this week I had a chance to go all the way with Jennifer, the (soon to be) Baby Making Machine. She was as cute and funny and darling as she is on her blog.  It was wonderful and I had a great time (hope you did too, Jenn.  Sorry I talked so much!)